I promised Dunc Id blog again.. Ive got enough stuff going on in my personal life though that I really don't want to talk about- its just hard.. but today IS my birthday so I figured that merited a post at least. I have had so many words bottled up inside its kinda felt like I haven't had anything to say. Maybe just no way to contextualize them, to let them out.
Nothing is decided.
I turned 27 today.
Woke up wishing there was some way to get some birthday sex, but I'm a good christian kid, and I have nobody yet. 27 is a long time to be alone. Kinda got shocked out of my thinking when I got a call on the way to work today from friend and ex-roomie Jack, saying his cousin hes been working for all summer just got in a wreck. Thrown from the vehicle. May be dead. I had to call the church, let them know to be praying.. Didnt do much good, got a call back from him a bit later saying his cousin had died.. he asked me to call his friends here an let them know what had happened, including his boss who was expecting him back in a week or so. Those were hard calls to make. Sobering at least.
Call me ungrateful, but the clothing and few gifts I got from my family didn't really seem to matter as much, I just wanted to spend time with them. Or have someone to hold and be with too. Life is short, and I feel old, even though I know Im not. More like I haven't lived enough the past few years, but I don't know how to either.
I spent a while looking through http://tattoolit.com/ today.. they make me want to get the final panel of Neil Gaiman's 'Instructions' as a tattoo, the one that ends the book by saying "..and go home, or make a home, or rest." I fell in love with that book. It settled in my thoughts and made me want to write, to live stories. But the thought of 'home' has been in my heart too, after jumping apartments, and roommates, and losing some friends recently. I don't know where I'm going, I need to look at schools, my grandparents are aging faster than ever it seems, and here I am yearning for that safety and connection more than anything. I guess maybe home isn't the right word. Family, keeping people close. Not loosing any more
5:59pm. Todays been quiet, Im gonna go and spend time with Drew an friends who wanted me over. I hope tonight will be fun. I gotta work on the mascot commission and Adam's drawing too but tonight I just want to be around people.
